I might need to re-think that title.

Well... these last couple of weeks have been the hardest in my life. I broke up with John. I called off the wedding. Not that we ever really planned anything. He didn't want me too. I had to endure him 3 more days after we broke up. He left on my birthday. Jena and I drove him to the airport. I'm mad... I'm hurt... I'm broken.
It's almost the New Year. I need to resolve to do something better and different. I'm working on that.

Idaho here I come!!!

John and I are going to Idaho for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We will travel around and visit family. From Pocatello to Grangeville. It will be fun... I'm excitied to spend some good quailty time with John. More than just a quick weekend here and there. He gets to meet my family. He's kind of worried. He doesn't realize that the "scariest" person to meet, he already has (my mom). She likes him, so there is nothing to worry about. He's just a worry, wart.
Only 7 days left, woo hoot!!!!!!

Update!!! Oct. 19, 2009

Well... John is wonderful. I got to spend a couple weeks in Missouri with John. I went to his disability hearing... that turned out "unfavorable"... but we didn't that for more than a month later. We are slowly getting encourage that there is something great out there for John. He does know have to settle for disablity. He can be anything. I think he is excitied about doing something new with his life. Besides getting married.
I am planning on going to Idaho for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am "expecting" John to be with me. He is coming around to that idea. Ha, ha... We ARE going.

Well.. I wish I had some pictures to share. But that is not what I have been thinking about.
Love to all,
Tena

I'm Engaged!

It's offical... John Dennis and I are engaged. We will be getting married sometime this fall. No date yet. He is still in Missouri still wrapping up things there. My mom and I are hopefully moving back to Idaho soon. He will join me there. YEAH!!!
I'm tired of just little visits.
I love John Dennis. I can't wait to be Tena Dennis.

My mom is in heaven!

Right now we are in Idaho visting for mission home comings and high school graduation. The great-grandaughters are both here with us... they are taking turn sitting on Grandma. She loves it. I have had a wonderful time too... I like being the favorite Aunt... that gets to send them back when they are crying!
It is funny watching two babies argue over everything. They are both only children. One is 13 months, the other is 19 months. Fun times around here.

All my Nieces

All of my nieces together for the first time.

I've found what I want!!!

In the head line of my blog it says that I'm looking for my place in this world. Questions, Where I belong???
I know now... I belong with John Dennis. He is a wonderful, caring loving man who is the man I've waited for, for 33 years for. I love him. I'm so excitied to spend the rest of my life with him. Woo Hoo... I never thought this would really happen to me. I'm in love with a wonderful guy and he wants to marry me. WOW!

Silly Babies!!!

This is a funny picture of my great-niece. She loves this silly mask... It is almost impossible to get it off of her. She is 13 months old. Funny little girl.

John Dennis !!!

This is my John. We just spend 10 days together. We had a great time together... Woo Hoo!!!

Mr. Right Has Come :0)

It is official... I am the happiest I have ever been. I have someone that loves and care about me. He is so sincere and kind... AND he makes me laugh. We are taking things slow and easy... but WOW... this is wonderful.... :0)

I stole this picture from Jill.... here is the her family... they are so cute. The babies are growing so big. They are 11 weeks old now. WOW!!! time flies.

I have been feeling better and better... My dizziness seems to be decreasing in severity. My headaches are better. I still haven't been driving yet... but I feel like it is at least a possibility. I see the ENT next week. I will ask for my privileges back. I don't want to get pulled over and get a ticket because I'm offically not suppost to be driving per doctor's orders. Minor detail I would like to avoid. :0)

Anyway... hope everyone is doing well... I'm good.

Done

Done with Davis.... we broke up. I caught him in a big lie. That's it.

The surgery was a complete success. I feel so good. The best I have felt in a long time. I don't even need pain medicine anymore.
I've been able to do more of the things I want to. I've been to go help with the twins a couple of days this week. It feels like I'm doing something worth-while. I like that.
Anyway.... life keeps going.

Surgery is over :0)

Surgery went good. I still hate the gas they put in you more than the surgery it's-self. It raise's to your shoulder's (you know that good stuff). They discovered that my one reminding ovary was stuck to my pelvis and there were some adhensions... so they fix everything...
I'm O.K. Now it's a wait to see how you feel in two weeks.
Other than that...
Davis is wonderful... he called during my surgery to see how I was doing and got an update from my Mom. He thinks my is a nice lady. It's cute how he says "MUM". (He has a british english acesnt) I don't know how to spell that... but you know what I mean.
Tena

Surgery on Monday

I'm finally, going to do something about the pain I've had for a long time. I have exploratory surgery on Monday. Boy, I can't wait... I've been living on pain medicine for a long time now. The doctor figures that the endometrodosis has atached itself to my intestines or bladder... all good reasons why I would hurt so bad.
Less than two days away... YEAH!!!

A man.

I'm not sure I want to talk about him. He is just an extraordinary guy. His goal is to lift me up and support me in whatever I do. I wish I knew more about him. He's so far away... I'm not saying where (yet)... This really is something different. ... I'm not sure what to do.
Life has handed me an unexpected gift. Prayer... lots of prayer.

One of my Angels and me!

This was at Christmas time. We had a wonderful time with your family. I talked to my angel today. She is very excitied for "Jump Rope for Heart" ... She makes herself sore by jumping so much. Great exercise though.

March 4th another interesting day.

I'm looking around my apartment. Looking at my plants. Seeing the leaves, some nice and vibrant, some crumbling and wilting, dying. Somedays I wonder which one I am. I did the kidney test yesterday... I didn't do well... My kidneys seems to be fine. But I still hurt so bad, I am getting desperate. I talked to the nurse at the doctors office today. They only want to take half the amount of pain meds. I don't care. Now, we're waiting for test results. They are going to say... "Tena, you can't pee right." I knew that.

I'm still here.

Well... I've just been looking at pictures of my great- neices. Wow... I'm that old. They are beautiful... my family has truly been blessed. Two little spirits that we get to love and cherish. Unfortunately, one of them may be taken away by her mother. Only time will tell what will happen. We do get a sweet little angel that brightens our days... "K" is going to be a year old on Easter Day. Her lack of hair doesn't stop her from rubbing her head like she does have hair... she's so funny.
Today has been soooo long. I've been thinking... wondering... praying over what is to come next? My dizziness has been constant for almost a year now. So does that mean that I give up hope that it is going to get any better than this and just accept that this is it??? Do I keep fighting and keep being disappointed when things don't get better??? I don't seem to have an in-between stage. If I just accept this and give up... I'm giving up (a total taboo that I have learned in my family) or if I keep fighting and don't accept that this is just my life (then I'm in denial). I don't want this as my life. I hate being at such an altered state (dizzy-wise).... at times walking is too hard. Driving is out of the question. So now what??? Accept it??? Keep fighting????
Well... this is me ... still wondering... still praying.

Funny!

This is my nine year old nephew. He's been wearing these for two days. He likes them. He's a funny kid. He makes me smile anyway. Ha, Ha...

Another Thursday.

Well... It's hot. Yesterday Grandma even thought is was hot. The tempature was 86 degrees. Holy Cow. It's cooler today, but the door handle is still too hot to touch.

I've been working on some more drawings. As soon as I get them done then I'll take a picture of them and I'll post them. They are cool. I like them anyway :0)

I finally finished Mom's quilt. It only took me about 18 months to do it. It's totally awesome though. She likes it too.

Valentine's Day ?????

Well... here's another Valentine's Day. It's two widows and me at my house. NOT exciting. The most exciting thing we have planned is to go to the library. WOHH WOO !!!!
It's not bad. I'm grateful for the family I have. For the love they give to me. I am blessed with friends that also love me. Other things will come along someday. Just not yet. :0}
I am feeling better now. I don't feel like I need to hide in our apartment so much anymore. I can handle seeing people walking by me now. It was hard to see that much movement and not be sick. It has been a slow recovery. I don't like that.
I did have an interesting Monday though. I had a migraine. I went to my regular doctor in the morning and got shots of pain meds... but that didn't last very long. By 6 pm. I was in bad shape again. My mom took me to TexMed (It's like a Doc in a Box). They gave me Imitrex and Statal and Phenergan (stop throwing up meds)... I had a strange reaction. I had a hard time breathing.. we had to stay there for a LONG time. Eventually it all calmed down. Then my mom took me home. I was .....well... it was like I was high (I guess, because I never have been high before.). I was moving my arms but they weren't going where I wanted them to go. I couldn't get through the door. I kept hitting my head on the doorjam. I was falling to the right. Walking was a chore, continually falling to the right. I was a mess. Mom just took me to my bed. The best thing was... My head didn't hurt. I felt like an idiot, but I didn't hurt. Thinking about it now, I just laugh.
Well... till next time.

Thankful for my Grandma!

I've been a little under the weather lately. I am so grateful that my grandma came to Texas for the winter. I would have been in a world of hurt without her. Well... hungry anyway. I haven't felt like I could do much of anything but sleep and take more pain medicine.
I went to a different doctor today. Hopefully she'll have some answers for me. I am really, really tired of hurting ALL the time. I should be used to it by now. But it's just not fun :0(

More Pictures of Babies

Logan

Parker

Pictures of the Babies

Parker and Logan

Here they are :0) On the left is Logan. He is the biggest but born last. 7 lbs. 8 oz. The right baby is Parker. 5 lbs. 15 oz. He was born first. They are both so beautiful.

The mommy is doing really well. Still tired and hurting a lot. But doing o.k.

Technological Difficulities

The twins are here.... YEAH!!! but I lend my computer to the proud mommy and daddy while they are at the hospital. I haven't been able to add pictures to my blog without it. I don't want to spend hours fixing the pictures just to add a couple a to the blog. So in a couple of days when I get the computer back and get it all fix up.
I'm feeling better. Done with antibotic (sp?)... I'm not going to take anymore. And the kidney's are feeling less hurty. I finally feel like leaving the apartment. I can now. My ear doesn't hurt anymore... I'm on the mend. (Good thing, I was getting old... as always.) My tube slipped behind my eardrum, the Doctor had to dig it out. That hurt. But I have a new tube and the huge hole is healed now. WOW! That was something. My brother said that was my punishment for teaching my 7 year old neice to whistle and then leaving. That's my girl. I am a whistler too :0)

Sunday Is The Day Of Rest

This is painting I did a couple of weeks ago. My two neices. They are so cute.
I've been so sick. A lot of doctor visits. CT scan. They think that I have kidney stone. I'm tired.
The twins will be born tomorrow. My friend is soooo ready for them to come out and meet someone else besides her. She is excitied, scared, etc. I'm excitied too. I want to know their names. I'll get pictures of them.
I'll keep people updated.

Today... I'm tired.

Well, today is Friday. I've been sick for a couple of days. I hate feeling puky. It seems I've felt that way for a couple weeks now.
Mom's been working WAY to much... till at nine o'clock every night. She's so tired when she gets home, walking is difficult. Grandma and I have been trying to keep things easy for her. Grandma is busy with Family History, therefore I am busy with Family History. I'm knowledgable now. Grandma has made me.
Anyway, things are fine around here. I am going with the flow the best I can.

Another day in Texas

Well... I go to the ENT specialist in a couple of hours. Unfortunately... I feel better. So all the trouble I had over the weekend will look like nothing. Oh, well... there is still a problem with the tube and it needs some plumbing done.
I got some new Visiting Teachers. I'm excitied about that. I hope that I can't get more help from them and not have to ask Gail for some much help. Gail is getting burned out. No more than me though. I hate be sick ALLLLL the TIME.

Me and some of my girls!

This was a few days after Christmas. My oldest neice (21) (also the mommy to the baby), youngest neice (7), one of my great-neice's (8 1/2 months) then me in the back. Aren't they beautiful? That was a very fun day.

Well... this is a new year... I didn't make a picture a day for 2008. To tell everyone the truth... 2008 TOTALLY SUCKED

I do plan on being better about blogging though. Seeing this and knowing that I was a failure... just sucked and I didn't like that reminder. So I'm changing the name of my blog and getting on with my life.

This is me going on :0)

Today is a nice 55 degrees in San Antonio... I love this weather because I'm not freezing like I was in Idaho during Christmas and I'm not boiling like I usually am the rest of the time here in San Antonio.

I am starting out the new year right. I've had about 4 ear infections already. I have a doosy right now. I get to see the specialist on an "emerengcy" visit Monday morning. GREAT!

I have good pain meds though.

My Grandma is visiting us for a couple of months. It's been interesting. She's sleeping in my room. We have two twin matress on top of each other and those are on a plastic 8 foot table and then that is on cinter blocks... It's like going on "Mr. Frog's Wild Ride". Sometimes she's about to tip on the floor, other times she's leaned completely to the otherside of the blocks and is touching my bed. In the middle of the night she gets up to go to the bathroom and straights her bed again. It's pretty funny. But she won't let us fix it. She says it fine. I think she thinks it's fun... keeping her young. It keeps her out of the bars anyway (just kidding)... I hope she enjoying her stay with us. We are pretty boring.

Till later, hopefully everyone is doing well.